Dress for you, No.One.Else
This is a true story. If it didn’t happen to me personally, I might not have been able to believe it myself.
Here we go. Recently I attended a birthday brunch for a friend and experienced a surreal flashback to my junior high school days when the cool kids would judge you based on your style or lack of the of the moment fashion item. I often was the target of their entertainment because my mother was saving for the down payment on our house and not interested in whether I would be made fun of or not for not having the latest Jordans. Thank god for her focus, she taught me so much about financial priorities. Perhaps we’ll revisit this topic in a future newsletter. Back to this story.
After a month of fashion weeks where I solely wore my favorite, head-to-toe runway looks from brand partners, I was ready to style some of the season’s most fun trends: rugby shirts, bubble skirts, knee high boots. As a member of generation X, these are all styles that have come and gone around numerous times in my fashion life. Initially, when I thought about a brunch fit, my mind considered the typical Milanese weekend mood: slouchy boyfriend denim, oversized, cozy cashmere knitwear, elevated athleisure pieces, crop tops, leather moto jackets or pants, loafers and or trainers. From this list, I quickly combined a pair of Cos culottes and a Gant Rugby shirt with Balenciaga Avenue knee high boots. Easy, comfy, but not too casual on a Sunday afternoon vibe.
If you follow other fashion creators, you might know that we have to shoot when the photographers or freelancers we work with are available. So you will understand how my Sunday morning before the brunch birthday party served as a window for content production. That morning as I was changing into the last look I prepared for my shoot, I decided to throw in an extra fit I eyed on my rolling rack - the pairing of my Beaufille Bubble skirt with the rugby top and Balenciaga boots I planned to wear to lunch REALLY intrigued me. Since my photographer and I were running late, we opted for efficiency and decided that I would be wearing this bonus look to lunch. Since 99% of the guests work in fashion, no one would bat an eye if my fit was a tad intense for 1:30pm. Mind you, back in NY where I grew up, that wouldn’t even be a thought, but Europe is another slice of pie.
When my photographer and I strolled up the tiny street where the restaurant is nestled some of my friends were outside smoking. Upon laying eyes on my fit, they enthusiastically cheered; noting that the styling was a bit sexier than usual and how much they absolutely loved it for me. Not to mention, they created a waitlist for borrowing the boots. Fast forward to the end of the brunch, when the 35 odd guests present were filing out of the dining room. That is precisely when the unfolding scene transported me back to junior high and the judgie eyes of classmates who deemed your style falling short of the assignment. Do you remember or can you relate to the cues: first a lingering glance with a smirk; then the assembling of the group, then the hearing, followed by the library opening for the read. “Hey Tamu, let’s unpack your outfit,” I ignored that first summons. “On top you’re giving collegiate; your skirt, 80s madonna, and your boots, “walk of shame.”
At that moment, time ticked to slow motion mode allowing me a mental step back to process the situation. Were they making fun of me? The exchange felt so awkward. How was I supposed to take their comments? I deflected with a joke about the nature of our 24 hours a day work day and my shooting schedule from that morning. I mean I hid my outfit choice behind my work schedule. Can you even imagine? As soon as I walked away, I sent the video without explanation to my bestie. She responded with fire and dagger emojis and shared that she also planned to wear a similar outfit soon. I rang her right away and dished the experience, asked her was I being delulu with this fit, or was it a give? And she responded like all besties do, with a pep talk and a fierce reminder of the person she has known for the past 23 years: you always have to remember that you are a Jamaican girl who grew up in NY in the 80s, 90s and 00s. Your style references are so rich and layered and reflect all of the incredible things you’ve seen along the way. Our conversation was exactly what I needed. It felt like dusting off the confidence and self-assuredness that I hold for my fashion sense after an unexpected stumble and fall. Moments after I hung up with her, one of my dear friends, muses and another person who knows my style well, DM’d me on Instagram with the sweetest: Tamu, I love this look for you.
So old friends and new, we start our journey here on Substack with the mantra that personal style is absolutely and uniquely ours. We build our sense of fashion based on our fancy, experiences, cultural influences, inspiration from our style icons, and good old trial and error. And since getting dressed, or not, is often driven by our emotions, through our fragility, vulnerability, growth, strength and resilience.
Inspired by my look, shop pieces here:
Balenciaga Avenue 110 mm boots
So true! If you can’t be yourself what else is there. 💛
No matter what you were wearing - a pink fluffy bathrobe! - I cannot imagine a grown adult, or even well raised children, making such comments ( although I did have a woman once asked if I was competing with the Christmas tree).
Keep doing you, which is pretty fabulous, however maybe reconsider who you brunch with (or anything else).